5 (Not So) Gentle Reminders On Making Life Choices
A Message To Anyone Designing Their Dream Life
1. There is no rush to have it all figured out
Take all the time you need to figure out where you want to go. Then take all the time you need to get there.
The notion that there is a standard timeline for having life figured out needs to stop. That certain milestones in life should happen in a specific order and at a specific time, does not make sense. All our paths are going to look different and you should never feel less than because other people have seemingly “arrived” in life before you have. That is their story and good on them. It does not take away from your journey. It does not diminish your capability to achieve great things. Take all the time you need to figure out where you want to go. Then take all the time you need to get there. Detours and recalibrations are allowed. Resting is allowed. Asking for help along the way is allowed. Just continue your course, you will get there.
2. We don’t need to want the same things
Your vision of your life is more important than fitting into societal norms.
I want to challenge the idea that we all should consider certain life events as milestones for every individual. We each have such unique identities, how can we expect to want the same exact things out of life? I say, you get to decide what is a big deal to you. Just because other people consider something monumental, doesn’t mean you should. Just because other people don’t consider what you want as monumental, doesn’t mean it isn’t. Since you are the one living your life, it should make sense to you. Your vision of your life is more important than fitting into societal norms. You are the only one living in your own shoes and you should feel good walking in them.
3. Making good choices won’t always feel good
Don’t take the not feeling good to mean that you did not make the right choice.
The Cambridge Dictionary defines the verb choose as to decide what you want from two or more things or possibilities. This means that when you make a choice for something, you’re giving up the alternative as a result. It may not always feel good to give up the alternative. For example, I want to go back to school but I have a full-time job. This translates my study time to primarily weekends and weekday evenings. This is usually time I would spend on resting and catching up with friends, that I will now trade in to spend on furthering my education. I will most likely be antisocial and fairly exhausted for the next couple of months, but for me the choice is a no-brainer.
Don’t expect that you’ll always feel warm and fuzzy as you make life choices. Don’t take the not feeling good to mean that you did not make the right choice.
4. You will make mistakes
So be open to making mistakes because you will always learn from them.
When you do things for the very first time, you will not know how to do them perfectly. How can you expect to do it perfectly when you’ve never done it before? That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do them though. Some of the things you’re trying to accomplish will require that you take big risks. Take the risk. If you fall it won’t be for nothing. When you get back up you’ll have a new vantage point and you’ll know a better step to take to achieving what you want. So be open to making mistakes because you will always learn from them. The American poet Nikki Giovanni said: Mistakes are a fact of life, it is the response to error that counts.
5. People will always have their opinions
You cannot please everyone with the choices that you make, and your job is not to please everyone anyway.
Some people will support your decisions. Some people will be against your decisions. Why they do either is predicated on their personal cocktail of trauma, fears, triggers, strengths, preferences, experience, hopes and dreams, etc. Their opinion is purely based on their reality, which will not directly translate to your experience of life. The information they give you can guide your choices, but it should not dictate your life. You cannot please everyone with the choices that you make, and your job is not to please everyone anyway. Do things because you want to do them, because you find them inspiring. It’s that inspiration that you’ll need to lean into when the path to your dreams gets challenging.
