Fears You Should Allow Yourself To Let Go Of
A Message To Anyone Working On Self Freedom
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I want us to explore some of the more common fears we have that hinder us from acting out of our truest selves. I’ll also share how you can begin to let go of those fears so you can live more freely. Let’s dig in!
1 Changing direction
You probably have an idea of how you want your life to turn out. You’re probably also working hard to turn that dream into a reality. So much time and effort have gone into making it possible to achieve that goal. You’ve been working on it for so long that changing direction is scary. Because who are you without this picture? What other forms of life exist outside this idea anyway? Any of this sound familiar?
You can begin to let go of the fear of changing direction by realizing that there is no one right way of living your life.
You have that picture in your head because of the things you were exposed to at the time of forming it. As you grow, your exposure expands. You begin to see things differently and may start wanting different things as a result. That is absolutely okay because there is no one right way to live your life. You can choose to let go of that dream, and work on a dream that honors who you are presently. Your dreams are not a prison sentence. You can opt out of them when they stop serving you.
2 Testing out your ideas
If you’ve been socialized to follow the status quo, this is not an easy one. Even thinking outside the box to begin with may be a muscle that you have not used much. So trusting that your ideas are great may be a challenge in itself.
You can begin to let go of the fear of testing out your ideas by starting small.
No one is saying that you need to start the next billion dollar business right this red hot minute, so just take the pressure off. Start with small experiments with little risk and see how that feels. Use this as an oppportunity to gain confidence in your ideas and in your ability to bring them to life. Use it also as training ground to get used to taking calculated risks.
3 Speaking your mind
When you hold stuff in, you’re not only holding back words. You’re holding back your values, beliefs, feelings, preferences; quite literally your identity depending on how much you’re holding in. So you create a persona to the people around you that is only a skeleton of your identity.
You can begin to let go of the fear of speaking your mind by embracing who you are.
There are many reasons why we may fear speaking our mind but I’d venture that the more comfortable you are with who you are, the more confident you become in expressing yourself to the world. This is easier said than done, especially if the fear of sharing your thoughts and feelings has been brought on by traumatic experiences. With practice, self exploration, self acceptance, time and the right support; it can be done.
4 Feeling your feelings
Denying that we feel a certain way does not make the emotion disappear. Distracting ourselves from “negative” emotions such as sadness, anger, shame and jealousy only works to compound them. As we continue to push them away, they pile up and become very heavy. Any new trigger can then wound us so deeply because they not only invoke new emotions, but also send us ricocheting into the sum total of the unprocessed emotions. In other words: not ideal.
You can begin to let go of the fear of feeling negative emotions by looking at them as natural responses to your experience.
All an emotion means is that something is happening in your world that is causing you to feel a certain way. The moment you start to look at the emotion, hold space for it, understand what led to it; the sooner you can begin to process it in a healthy way. You may even find that some of what you’re feeling is not necessarily in reaction to your direct reality, but is the remnant of previously unprocessed emotions coming to the surface. This may take a lot of practice depending on how long you’ve been repressing your emotions so be patient with yourself.
5 Not being liked
Whether someone likes you or not is directly related to their cocktail of life experiences and personal prejudices. It will never have anything to do with you. You could be the kindest being in the world, and someone will find a reason not to like you. You could be the worst person on earth, and someone will find a reason to like you. So you can begin to let go of the idea that it’s your doing that people like or don’t like you. Besides, people liking you or not liking you will never make up for you not liking yourself.
You can begin to let go of the fear of not being liked by working on truly loving yourself.
You should be most concerned with whether you like yourself. You won’t always have people around to reassure you of your character or say nice things about you. In those moments of solitude, do you still feel good about who you are? Truly loving yourself makes everyone else’s validation a nice to have instead of a necessity.
6 Break-ups
Relationships coming to an end feel like a loss because you cease to have that person in your life anymore. Whether that loss makes you feel great or dreadful will depend on the dynamics of the relationship, the reason for it ending, and the way in which it ended. It may not feel great the moment it happens but as long as you are alive, you have the capacity to heal.
You can begin to let go of the fear of break-ups by internalizing that you have the capacity to heal.
Healing from heart break takes time. It may not be easy, but it is definitely possible. So if it does happen, just give your heart time to heal. Your breaking up will not take away from the person that you are. You are worthy of love and are yet to meet all the people that will love you.
All that said, I acknowledge that some of us are battling paralyzing forms of fear and anxiety that this article may not even begin to touch on. If that’s you, please get the help that you need. Remember that you don’t have to carry all your burdens alone.
