I've been sexually active for 8 years and this is literally the first time I've thought about my own pleasure, which says a lot about how even I as a woman have been sold on the fact that the man's pleasure is more important. There's also other factors that I'm finding contribute, like do I believe that I deserve pleasure/joy in life in general. The more I've started to want better for myself in other areas of life and feel that I deserve it, the more this has also trickled into my sexual experiences. But definitely the first step in this area is being honest with yourself and with your partner about what gets you there.