You Are Allowed To Hibernate
A Message To Anyone Feeling Guilty About Taking Time To Themselves
I’m writing this from the depths of hibernation. I am anyone, I am the anyone feeling guilty about taking time to myself. This intrusive feeling is quite counterproductive to what is meant to be a peaceful time of rest and reflection. But I welcome it nonetheless as an opportunity to reflect on why I value the time to myself. Perhaps some of the thoughts resonate with you and liberate you from any guilt associated with putting your needs first. So let’s get into it!
We give so much time to everything else, we should take back some time for ourselves
We are not on earth purely to satisfy the world around us at our own expense.
Think about how much of yourself you pour into the world. If it’s not work, it’s your romantic partnerships. If it’s not your romatic partnerships, it’s your friendships. If it’s not your friendships, it’s your family. We exert a lot of energy into being a good employee or business owner, being a good parent / sibling / friend / lover, running our households, keeping up with world affairs and how they affect us; the list goes on. Because it’s a lot easier to focus our energy outwards (it seems it’s almost expected of us), we have to be more intentional about giving back that energy to ourselves.
We are not task rabbits. We are not on earth purely to satisfy the world around us at our own expense. We have to find ways to rest and rejuvenate, to connect with and nurture ourselves. For me that looks like retreating from social media and all other social activities in general. The way to do that will look different for everyone, but no one should feel guilty about it.
Don’t confuse being selfish with being malicious
You can put yourself first without it actively harming other people.
Without going into the politics of ethics and morality, I want to challenge the bad rep that being “selfish” has. I’m a stickler for literal meanings so I had to look up this word as I was reflecting. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines selfish as: seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. Pair this with their definition of malicious as: having or showing a desire to cause harm to someone. So if you are concerned with your own well-being (selfish), without actively working to harm other people (malicious), where exactly is the problem? Why is putting oneself first such an outrageous notion?
You can put yourself first without it actively harming other people. You’re not doing anything wrong by taking care of your needs. I dare say that taking care of yourself first is in fact paramount to being able to give to anything or anyone else. When you are content with your own life, when you’ve tended to your own immediate concerns, then you can really give wholesomely. So go ahead and be selfish. Take care of yourself unapologetically, you deserve to take pleasure in your life. And then you can really give to the world if that’s what you want to do.
Balancing out solitude in your relationships
If you find solace in solitude, honor the commitment to your relationships by filling the other people in.
There are times when I feel open to everyone and everything, and want to pour myself out to the world. There are also times when I want to lock the world out and exist in my own energy. I’ve asked myself countless times how okay it is to completely give myself to others then turn around and restrict the same people with maximum security. The reason I want to find a balance is because I care about the people in my life and want to treat them as such. I don’t want to treat them as an option, that I only let them in when it suits me. But I also need to be true to myself and honor my needs as they come.
I’ve found that communication is key here. If you find solace in solitude, honor the commitment to your relationships by filling the other people in. Let them know that this is how you cope when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Reassure them that your (temporary) absence does not mean that you value them any less. You can even share how long you think you’ll be in hibernation so they know what to expect. Sending quick texts during your isolation to check in also lets them know that you care about them.
In conclusion, your time is yours to do with as you please. Don’t give all of it away at your own expense. It may take some practice to really embody this, but you’ll get better at it as you begin to honor and value the finite resource that is you.
